


was it all in my head?

by justajoke99



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, angst and then just fluff, but noel loves cody a lot, cody loves noel, noel loves cody but can't express it well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24071917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justajoke99/pseuds/justajoke99
Summary: noel and cody start dating, but slowly, cody begins to think noel doesn't love him as much as he thinks he does.(based off of w0t_up_b0is prompt: Noel ain't use to being in a same-sex relationship, so he doesn't really show affection in a 'couple way'. Because of it, Cody starts to slowly doubt that Noel actually loves him (which Noel d o e s).)
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 8
Kudos: 119





	was it all in my head?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [w0t_up_b0is](https://archiveofourown.org/users/w0t_up_b0is/gifts).



> ahh! here's a lil story i wrote after getting inspired by w0t_up_b0is's list of prompts. i promise another update of armed and dangerous soon! i'm definitely excited for y'all to read this next chapter! title from olivia o'brien's song!
> 
> as always, not representative of what i think of the boys and their real life relationships, and don't show this to anyone affiliated with them.

cody had been in love with noel for god knows how long. it had taken him a long time to admit those feelings, to himself and noel. he remembers the day clearly. they had just finished filming an episode of the podcast, cody had missed cues and just seemed generally out of it. noel wraps the podcast and turns to look at cody.

“are you like, good man? you seemed really...off today”

“ ‘m fine” cody mumbled, pulling at each of his fingers.

“dude, i don’t think you’re ‘good’” noel emphasized his point by holding up finger quotations, “so tell me what’s up?”

“i just, i’m, just, ugh” cody said, burying his head in his hands to try and stop a blush from cascading across his cheeks. he had come to terms with his feelings were for noel, he just had to try like hell now to hide them from him. cody had shakily whispered it to himself last night while lying in bed, he was _in love_. the words felt heavy in his head. he was fucking terrible at keeping secrets, especially from his best friend with whom he spent 90% of his time.

“spit it out man, you got me nervous over here,” noel coaxed with an anxious laugh. his mind ran to the worst possibilities, what if cody was hurt? or sad? what if he got bad news about his family? noel ~~wanted~~ needed to be there for cody if something was wrong.

“i just, i’m, in, in love with you man,” cody finally huffed out, nervously spinning a ring around his index finger. noel stayed silent.

“and i know that’s like _sugar gay_ or whatever you’re about to say and i’m sorry and i hope it doesn’t affect our friendship or business partnership or whatever the fuck and i understand if you’re like grossed out by it and again i’m so-” noel cut off cody’s nervous rambling by surging forward and lifting him up off the podcast chair into a hug.

“i love you too you dumbass,” noel murmured to him

“really?” cody asked, pulling away from the hug and looking deeply into noel’s eyes.

noel responded by surging forward, pressing his lips against cody’s. he could almost feel cody’s eyebrows raise at the gesture, but cody returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around noel’s neck. they both pulled away from the kiss, foreheads stuck together, breathing heavily.

“god damn,” cody said, laughing.

they were **4 months** into their relationship. still in the giggle stage where they were just happy to be around each other. they both agreed to keep the relationship private for a while, their fans had flipped when cody dyed his hair, how would they react to him being in a gay relationship, let alone with noel? it was all too nerve wracking. cody had to watch what he said and when. almost called noel babe a few times on a podcast or a stream, but quickly bit his lip before doing so. fans didn’t notice a difference, but if they did, none of them said anything about it. cody was so deeply in love. he wanted to scream that he loved noel from the rooftops, but alas, he kept quiet. noel said he wanted to “wait for the right time” but cody was impatient. he wanted to post those cute pictures of them from a green room cuddling while napping before a show, wanted to display the polaroids of them at the beach proudly around his house, wanted to freely call noel “babe” and not have to curse himself out as he thinks of the extra editing he’ll have to do for that week's video. but he needed to wait. it wasn’t an issue though, he’d wait forever for noel.

 **6 months** into their relationship and cody was even more antsy. more pictures of them together had piled up in his camera roll and in that one drawer of his desk. noel kept telling him to wait. noel didn’t seem to be having an issue like cody was. even outside of streams and podcasts, noel never used any pet names for cody, not like it bothered him or anything (ok it really did), but he’d never admit that to noel. cody just wanted one baby, one honey, one something, something that acknowledged that they were dating, “bro”, “dude”, and “man” weren’t cutting it. he knew noel wanted to take their time and maybe that meant he’d say stuff to that like cody with more time? cody wishes hopelessly.

**8 months.**

cody likes to cuddle, so sue him. he likes to be wrapped up on the couch with someone right there beside him, holding him, loving him, keeping him safe. something about a cuddle just felt _right_ to him. noel was the opposite. he’d hurt cody’s feelings a few times by calling him “clingy” after he had crawled onto noel’s lap while they were watching TV. ok, maybe cuddling wasn’t noel’s thing. it wasn’t for everyone, and noel had mentioned a few times on the podcast that he wasn’t the world’s most affectionate person in the past. but cody had seen that side of him that noel kept locked away a few times. cody’s first panic attack around noel, he wrapped him in a tight embrace, whispering things in cody’s ear about how much he loved him, when cody got the flu and noel just held him until he felt better. he knew noel loved him, but sometimes it felt like noel was embarrassed by him, by _this_. it seemed like noel was embarrassed to be gay, and that’s why he kept their relationship so private.

**10 months.**

cody felt sure of it by now. noel still kept things under wrap, still didn’t call him any pet names, still didn’t like cuddling. there was one night, cody was snuggled under noel’s sheets, scrolling mindlessly on twitter while his boyfriend streamed in the other room. he thought it’d be funny to check in on noel’s stream, make fun of him a bit in the comments. noel probably assumed he was asleep, so cody thought it’d be funny to fuck with him for a bit, _just as friends._

cody opened up noel’s stream, smiling big, watching as noel roasts the shit out of another weird couple. suddenly, a donor message appears on screen, and noel peels his eyes away from the video to read it aloud.

“is cody a clingy friend? he radiates clingy energy.” the message read. cody’s cheeks burned. he wondered if noel would react at all.

“cody is, the world’s clingiest person ever, it’s like fucking annoying how clingy he is,” noel says with a laugh, returning to the video.

cody’s eyes welled up with tears. did noel even like him? was he really that annoying? he closed the stream and plugged in his phone. he laid his head back down onto his pillow, trying to prevent himself from sobbing. his tears flowed from his cheeks and dripped down onto his pillowcase. he laid there for a bit, angry and hurt. maybe noel hadn’t meant it that way. but maybe he did. and he thought cody was asleep, so maybe he was finally being honest?

about 20 minutes later he hears noel enter the bedroom, shutting the door quietly. he slips into sweatpants and gets into bed next to cody. he kisses cody’s head and whispers “love you”, thinking he couldn’t hear it. the only thought in cody’s mind was, “does he really?”

the next day cody wakes up and chooses to forget. willfully ignorant. you forgive and forget for the people you love, right? so cody forgives and forgets, silently. he tries not to hold a grudge. he loves noel. he would love noel even if he didn’t love him back.

**11 months and 30 days.**

they’d gotten in a fight. cody got impatient and asked noel when he’d be ready for them to be public. noel snapped at cody, it had partially been cody’s fault. noel had had a stressful day already, and this sure as hell didn’t help.

“can you stop fucking asking me that, cody? you’re so fucking clingy! i’ll let you know when can finally post those dumbass pictures of us and put some sappy, generic caption about being in love with them!” as soon as the words left noel’s mouth he knew he had fucked up. cody’s bottom lip began to tremble and his eyes were rimmed with water.

“cody, wait, I-”

a sob wracked cody’s body as he ran off to ~~his~~ _their_ room at _their_ place, slamming the door behind him. he felt like a little kid, running off while crying.

“shit, shit, shit” noel mumbled to himself, running a hand through his buzzed hair. he didn’t mean it like that. he was just stressed, and cody asking that was like a kid on a roadtrip asking “are we there yet?” for the millionth time. he knew he had fucked up, he just had to figure out how to apologize.

he makes his way slowly to the bedroom door, knocking on it softly.

“cody?” he asked, tone quiet and comforting.

“i- i- don’t wanna t-t-talk to y-you right now,” he heard cody hiccup through the other side of the door.

“come on, i didn’t mean it, let’s talk about it,”

no answer from cody.

“cody, man come on, let’s talk”

he heard another sob from cody at that. fuck this. noel was going in the room and they were going to talk about this like adults. he opens the door and finds cody with his back up against their bathroom door, with his knees to his chest and his face in his hands.

“cody,” noel said ever so softly, breath catching in the air. cody looked up from from his hands, tears staining his face.

“do you even fucking love me, noel? answer hon-honestly. because i- i feel like you don’t love me, and it, it- fucking hurts man,” cody choked out, his tone one of both anger and sadness. noel sat in front of cody, taking his hands in his.

“of course i do, what would make you say that i don’t?”

“you don’t wanna t-talk about us, you probably don’t wanna go public like ever, you don’t call me anything other than ‘cody’ or ‘man’ or ‘dude’, you don’t want to cuddle with me, and you think i’m annoyingly clingy, tell me how i can see all of that and think that you’re not in love with me?” a realization dawned upon noel. he was trying to protect himself, from judgment from others, from his parents and peers, and in that process he had hurt cody. goddamnit, cody had gone a year thinking that what, noel didn’t love him as much as he did? fuck. he had fucked up.

“cody, baby,” he said, pulling cody onto his lap, wrapping his arms around cody’s waist.

“i love you, so so so much that it hurts. it hurts me. and out of fear of judgment, or hell, even ruining what we have, i tried to, tried to keep it all the same because i was worried, i want to shout to the world how much i love you and i’m sorry that my own insecurity made me feel like i loved you any less than i do, because it’s so much baby, so so so much,” noel whispered into cody’s shoulder.

“r-really?” cody looked up at noel.

“of fucking course i do silly, i was trying to remain the same, but we can’t do that, i love you too much to keep you hidden,” cody blushed and hid his face in noel’s neck.

“you best believe i’m gonna cuddle you so much and call you so much cute shit,” noel jokes, but not really. he’s being honest. he needs to make up for all this time lost.

“and you know what?”

“what?”

“let’s post those pictures tomorrow, it’ll be our one year anniversary,” noel says

“you’ll actually let me post them?” cody asked, his voice sounding like it’s about to crack.

“we’re both gonna post them. i need the world to know how much i love you, cody kolodziejzyk.” a few tears fall from cody’s face, noel presses his lips into cody’s and he falls in love all over again.


End file.
